Humor Archive One

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building.

As they were lying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannnnnn, where have you been ? I haven't seen you in a long time ?"

The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built."

"In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all-day retreat spa, the topnotch hair salon and the new casino! I have done it all!!!"

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, "What about you? Where have you been?"

The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Lutheran church, the Episcopalian church, the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the church of the Latter Day Saints, the A. M. E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the......"

"WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!!" shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill.

"What's a church?"

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on "giving". Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All".

By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping". Would you believe the Choir Director selected: "I Love To Tell The Story".

There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them "Why Not Tonight."

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later; explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist: "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."